I'll Miss You
by 8belles
Summary: Endgame spoilers relevant to the last 10 min. A conversation that I think *might/should* have happened off screen.


The lake house was expansive but, although few mourners still occupied the spaces after the service, it seemed claustrophobic. Steve took a walk past the gardens and picnic tables to clear his head and clarify what exactly had passed in the previous 48 hours. His wounds from Thanos ached. With a sigh he found himself in the middle of the woods, bird song his only companion.

"Come out from your hidy hole, Bucky." he said over his shoulder.

The dark shadow of the former Winter Soldier appeared from behind a tree. "For an old shell-shocked guy, you have pretty good ears."

"I always know when I'm being tailed. Especially from you."

"How touching."

"Well, when you spent the better part of your life following me around, you get used to it."

Bucky smirked and stood next to his friend, in the woods, a soft sigh of wind brushing the tops of the trees. The earth smelled of fresh and summer, such a counterpoint to the dust and evil that had surrounded them only a few days ago.

They stood for a long while, simply gazing into the green, taking in the serenity of the moment. Steve was the first to break the silence.

"What was it like, Buck?"

"Whad'ya mean?"

"Did you feel anything? Did you…. Suffer?" Steve looked at him, his eyes worried.

Bucky inhaled and thought for a moment, "No. I don't remember much. Just one minute I was there, and then not." He swallowed, "It sure wasn't Heaven, but it wasn't Hell either. It was… nothing."

Steve blinked, a tear flicking from his eyelashes. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

Bucky gave a dry chuckle, "It's not like you knew I was marked half off discount."

Steve smiled weakly in response. Bucky always had a joke when he was down.

"You know, you gotta go back."

Steve glanced at his shoes in the new summer undergrowth of trillium above last year's fallen leaves; an ironic counterpoint to what they had just been through. "I know."

"Steve, have you thought about what you would do? Could do?" Bucky suggested softly.

"Whad'ya mean?"

Bucky's eyes looked slightly mischievous and simultaneously infinitely sad. "You can have a _life_."

Steve looked at him surprised as if he was just sucker punched.

Bucky turned to face his best friend, "Think about it, Steve. You can go back, put the stones back, and start a new timeline with Peggy. You can have the life you never had! How many people get a chance to really do it all over again?"

The mere suggestion of a 'normal' life made his knees go weak but then he steeled himself and crushed that glimmer of hope, "But I have to come back here, or the timeline will be disrupted."

"Well, no kidding, genius. Everybody knows that. But think about it Steve. You can put the stones back, hang around a while, get your girl and just hope you out live that crazy strong dame that never looked twice at me."

Steve colored a bit when Bucky referenced Peggy's strength but then narrowed his eyes, "Why are you bringing this up?"

"I'm your best bud, Steve. I want the best for you."

Steve maintained his silence, his mind thinking hard.

"Rogers- how much of your life have you devoted to the safety of the world?" Before Steve could answer, Bucky interrupted him, "All of it, Steve. All your life you have sacrificed for the nation, the world, for… me." Bucky's throat bobbed.

"But Buck-"

"No. No butts! You have America's ass, remember?"

Rogers rolled his eyes and then became more revenant, "Stark told you that before …. We lost him?"

"I may have heard it from a certain furry creature cyborg raccoon." Bucky smiled, "But joking aside, you deserve it so much more than anyone I know. Here's your good deed, your gold medal, your 'thank you' from the Universe or whatever you want to call it."

"But what about you?"

Bucky looked at him surprised, "Me?"

Steve became slightly frustrated at Bucky's ambivalence, "If I go back, I can fix your life too. If I go back, I can find you, free you from Hydra and let you have a life too."

Barnes looked sad in a way that had only come to him after being freed from Hydra, "No, Steve, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm still here in this timeline. The other Bucky in the splinter line wouldn't know what a real jackass you are. It be wasted on him. He is not me." Barnes sighed and adjusted his posture, "Anyway, anything you change in the past doesn't really change the future… well… the now, I guess. It just makes a new timeline. So, I won't even notice a thing."

Steve looked crushed not being able to truly fix seventy years of suffering. Bucky lightly punched him in the shoulder. "C'mon punk. Chin up! You know I'm right."

"I guess."

"Say you'll do it. Please."

"Then who gets my shield when I come back a real geezer?"

Bucky got quiet.

"You want it?"

Barnes's eyes widened in horror, "No. Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"I am not worthy."

"This isn't Moljinr we're talking about here."

"Yeah. It wouldn't feel right Steve. I killed the man who made that shield. I worked for seventy years against what that shield represents. I can't take it. I'm not the right guy."

"I think you'd be a great Cap." Steve said warmly. "You're selfless and dedicated."

"I'm stained, Steve. No. No thank you." Bucky said remorsefully. Rogers gave his shoulder a supportive nudge. "Give it to Sam. The guy is a giant pain in my ass and a total jerk, but his heart is in the right place." Bucky's tone was gruff but respectful.

Rogers looked at Bucky once again glad to have his guidance and support. "Yeah, I guess so."

A moment of quiet passed between the two as they both contemplated the great depth of their conversation.

"I'm going to miss you." Bucky's eyes got shiny; his voice quiet.

"What does that mean?" Steve asked wondering.

"You will come back old. I'm going to outlive you in the here and now."

The realization hit Rogers like a ton of bricks. He felt suddenly breathless.

"But it's ok. We'll be ok." Bucky reassured him and his own self, giving Steve's arm a brotherly squeeze.

Steve looked down at his feet again and then to Bucky, eyes full of unshed tears.

"I'll miss you too, punk."

"Jerk." The men opened their arms into a brotherly hug. Above them the birds continued to sing and the trees sigh.

Steve knew what he had to do. He had a late dance to make up.


End file.
